Duty and Choice
by Blue Jeans
Summary: Though fate choses the destination, you are the one to choose the road to get there...


Duty and Choice  
***************  
by blue  
  
"Jadeite. You're here." She did not try to hide the surprise   
in her voice, nor did she pretend that she was not glad to see him.  
  
"Did you doubt otherwise?" He asked amused.  
  
"Hai, but it is gone, now that you're here." She answered.  
  
Nodding in acknowledgement he looked thoughtfully to the night   
sky. Once, a long time ago he would have been insulted at such a reply  
but it was good knowing that at least someone was being truthful to him  
completely. He pointedly ignored what her earlier doubts did to his   
pride. The moon shimmered above with the stars, making him momentarily  
forget what it was that had prompted him to leave, feeling awed by the  
beauty before him, he knew his resolve was hardening considerably more  
than before on protecting this planet, his planet.  
  
"I shouldn't be here."  
  
Her eyes narrowed and she turned her face from his as the wind   
pulled at her hair. Hiding her face and then revealing the regal beauty   
that he had silently admired for so long now.  
  
"Neither should I." She said quietly.  
  
"Himoto-chan..." he whispered.  
  
She turned to him, her eyes shining with tears. Surprised, he   
was taken aback at how much she trusted him, until now, he never   
thought about how much he had relied on her as well. "Jadeite, why?" She   
turned again. "I used to know a boy- who was once my comrade. Where   
did he go?" She asked him, her eyes of crimson seemed to flicker with   
purple sparks as she looked to him again.  
  
"When I see this beauty, Himoto-chan, and I feel the hope and   
sorrow of my people..." He looked away, hardening his heart to her.   
Determined to do what he was born to do, "I chose Earth." He finally   
said, softly breaking her heart.  
  
"Iie Jadeite, you choose Beryl!" She whispered in vehement   
denial. Slowly she was regaining her composure again. Regaining her  
control over her wayward heart, chosing her own path away from his, away  
from the one man whom she had thought she would forever share a similar  
goal with, a life with.  
  
She had been foolish and naive to believe it.  
  
A fault of her own making, she was sure.  
  
Hardening her heart to him, she closed the doors of her eyes and  
turned away.  
  
Duty before love.  
  
Serenity before self.  
  
Kingdom before life.  
  
He shook his head in denial at her accusations. How could he be  
so blind? But he continued as if his reasoning were sense, "Endymion is   
weak, he is a traitor, for he choose the Moon instead of Earth. His home,   
his planet! Why must you join him?" He demanded. His golden hair fell   
into those sky-blue eyes that she had loved since childhood, but now she   
no longer recognize the half crazed devotion to that monster named Beryl.  
How could he say these things? How could he forshaken the duties that he  
had pledged his life to?  
  
How dare he!  
  
"I did not know you were so jealous." She replied at last in a  
frosty tone, her eyes shadowed and her hair hiding whatever else she left  
bare to the light of the moon above them. "We love Serenity as much as   
you had once loved Endymion. And yet, you and the other Kings chose   
jealousy instead of love, hatred instead of joy." Her eyes were burning   
now with convection, and now Jadeite was fearful of the fire in her eyes,   
not of her, but of what this would mean for their future.  
  
Perhaps there is hope still.  
  
Perhaps he'll see the light.  
  
She was willing to show it to him if he'd only look to where she  
points to...  
  
She opened her heart to him one last time in hope.  
  
She turned her eyes to his and met his stare.  
  
His eyes burned with unnatural coldness, and for a moment she  
didn't recognize the look he bared. The face he wore was not the one she  
had familiarized herself with in the nights, tracing the sharp cheekbones  
and brushing her fingertips against those lips...  
  
Who was this man who stood before her, claiming to be 'him'?  
  
Who was he to dare be the imposter of the man she loved?  
  
Then the darkness dissipated and once more the man she had known   
since childhood returned. He was looking solemn, losing that momentary   
edge of ice as he looked to her pleadingly. Jadeite would never beg her   
to understand. He had too much pride to beg and she would never accept   
such a man in the first place if he would sink so low as to sacrifice his  
pride for...  
  
Love.  
  
"Himoto-chan," he reached out for her. "Stay with me." Those   
three words, held so much of his longing for her. Her heart wavered; he   
could see it, her rouge lips opened to answer. Her hand reached for his   
but then stopped just as their fingers were about to brush.  
  
She will never accept!  
  
Not like this.  
  
"I've waited my whole life, loving you."  
  
Her hand reached passed his own, and brushed against his lips.  
Those lips that she had memorized in the dark, who's owner had captured  
her heart in a moment of understanding. He had always been her shelter  
and now her shelter was gone.  
  
But she shall not plunge herself into the ground like he had done.  
  
Not for despair or a loss of hope.  
  
That was Beryl's secret weapon.  
  
She shall never allow her heart to be used in such a way as that!  
  
She would not go down as a fallen warrior, but one who had heart  
enough to stand against the darkness.  
  
Even if it meant duty over love.  
  
Even if it meant Serenity before self.  
  
And it shall always be her Kingdom before her life.  
  
She paused and pulled away, her eyes hardening.  
  
"But I can never forgive you!" She retracted her outstretched   
hand and backed away from him. "Traitor! I shall never be a traitor like   
you!" Her hands were held close to her chest, as if she was afraid what   
they would do on their own if given the chance to escape.  
  
Her heart thumped wildly aginst her warm palms.  
  
It was already mourning.  
  
She would not allow such a blind thing choose her path for her.  
  
She had her own duties!  
  
He was taken aback by her fierceness, "Himoto-chan?" His voice   
told her of his pain but she knew her duty and though her soul cried out   
in pain as the threads that bound them together broke, she refused to   
back down from her belief. The future separated for the two, splintering   
into two different paths at that moment.  
  
No longer where they comrades.  
  
They were enemies instead.  
  
Enemies.  
  
She choose him as her enemy.  
  
Standing tall and straight, as a proud soldier of the Moon. A   
general and personal guard of the court of Serenity, she refused to give   
in to the beating of her heart. She will not be weak like him and turn   
her back on her leige. She will sacrifice everything for this, because   
her pride shall not fall to temptation, and she will not become another   
one of Beryl's minions.  
  
Her hands fell away, as if in despair from her heart. She could  
never capture it again in her hands and give it away for free. Innocence  
died at his feet as she gave up her first sacrifice. Her hands clutched   
into fists of determination.  
  
Hatred and regret now tasted bitterly on her tongue.  
  
She said nothing as she gathered her strength and her resolve.  
  
There shall be no tears for this last moment together on Earth.  
  
Her eyes never turned from his; ready to leave she said her sad   
goodbye the only way she knew how. "You have made your choice." She   
whispered, her balled fist struck her own chest as the flame burst forth   
to swallow her, keeping him away, always at bay. It towered and   
disappeared like a flying star, heading for the moon. If he had ever   
hated the moon, it was now, for stealing her away.   
  
'Sayonara Jadeite... Forever.'  
  
The tears shall never come.  
  
----  
  
"Jadeite." He turned to see the stone-faced Kunzite. What   
happened between him and Venus was still unknown to them all. Maybe   
Zoisite knew, but still Kunzite was the only one who didn't seemed to be   
affected by the situation. "She's gone, ne?"  
  
Jadeite winced and straightened. Only then did he realize that   
he was prepared to go after her. "Hai." He could not think of anything   
else to say, just thinking of her last words made his guilt increase.   
The thought of her smile and the past made his heart ache and made him   
also doubt his decision.  
  
"Don't go after her, she would not accept you unless you gave up   
your beliefs." Jadeite nodded slowly. "Would you betray us for her?   
Like Endymion did for that Moon brat?" Kunzite asked.  
  
Jadeite hardened his resolve at the thought. "Iie! I would   
never do such a thing as Endymion had done! That was weak, and he   
allowed his weakness to use him..." Jadeite paused as darkness came   
upon his usually bright blue eyes. "I will never be weak like   
Endymion!"  
  
Kunzite smiled at this -- a very rare smile that was meant to   
reassure the younger man. Patting Jadeite on the shoulder, the older man   
nodded in approval. "At least somebody listens to reason!" Kunzite   
patted Jadeite on the shoulder one more time and then left.  
  
He choose to accept her choice.  
  
The blond looked to the Moon and glared at its beautiful, soft   
glow. "I will never forgive her for taking you away, Himoto-chan! I   
will never forgive her!" Jadeite turned abruptly from the beautiful,   
full moon hanging in the sky. It was the last time he saw her before   
the battles between the Earth and the Moon escalated to a point of no   
return.  
  
But does it matter?  
  
By then he was too corrupt to care about such trifling as love!   
And who would ever listen to that nagging weak voice in his blackening   
heart about happiness? He was powerful and rich from the pillages of   
war. His kingdom was thriving after no longer being loyal to the   
Golden Kingdom. He was satisfied...  
  
Who knows what happiness is anyway?  
  
So, Jadeite did not cry when he saw her for the last time in   
their life on the Silver Moon. And when he saw her again in another   
life time -- captured by her beauty again, and yet, still denying such a   
thing as love and joy existed -- he used her. She in return was too   
stubborn to back down from her beliefs because that was who she was, and   
upon choosing her loyalties to Sailormoon -- the hidden Serenity-hime --   
she killed him.  
  
So the fine line between love and hate continued. So when the   
choice came as a second chance at redemption, he loved her but choose   
another to marry for life. And so, when he broke her heart and she did   
the same to him, and the cycle continued.  
  
Tears? What were they for, anyway?  
  
--*--  
  
Some would say that our love is tragic in that we were made for  
each other but can never be together. Unlike Endymion and Serenity,  
whose love shines on down an eternal path of love and unity, ours had   
died from a premature death and left us empty and alone. Many would  
deem that I am not so lucky, that my fellow senshi and I were forced into  
a life like this.  
  
I disagree.  
  
I choose this path as much as Serenity choose her own.  
  
Endymion choose to be with Serenity at the risk of anarchy on his  
own planet. He paid the price and he now holds her heart throughout  
eternity like a bright flame within the dark night of the uncertain future  
no matter how bright Pluto has told us of its coming. Serenity in turn  
choose Endymion, a life of him and only him.  
  
She will not survive without him and choose not to do so.  
  
It was her choice to live in a fairytale, no matter what the cost.  
  
But someone must always pay and we choose to pay it for her.  
  
Her happiness is our own and we had made it our world to ensure  
she remains in bliss with love. She is our salvation for believing so  
deeply in it. We cannot.  
  
We choose not to.  
  
I choose Serenity before Jadeite.  
  
I choose duty before love.  
  
Serenity choose love before duty and she always will. That is who  
she is and always will be. We do not wish to change that and we will  
sacrifice everything so that she would never have to.  
  
Serenity and Endymion.  
  
Our salvation in our deepest nights of loneliness, because they  
show us that love exists that we had a chance at a love like this. But  
we choose duty and will always make that same decision.  
  
Some would call it a mistake.  
  
We call it love.  
  
I can still remember the darkness within his eyes when he choose  
Beryl. I can still recall all the reasons why I loved him, and it was  
this same man that choose his planet over me, the same man that choose  
another woman over me. I do not condemn him for it, because I have done  
the same.  
  
There is no salvation in condemnation.  
  
We have only love.  
  
Sometimes when I see those two beautiful people strolling down the  
rose gardens with the spray of rainbow in the air, my heart beats a little  
quicker with regret, but it never lasts. I love them and when I'm lonely  
I wish I could be apart of that intense love.  
  
Serenity and Endymion's love is different for us.  
  
But it is still love and for that love, we will fight to death to  
defend it and we will sacrifice everything to keep it alive.  
  
That is the choice we made on the shores of the Sea of Serenity,  
bounded by our oaths and the princess's tears, we choose the side to stand  
by. It did not matter it was the side of light, it only mattered that we  
choose it for love.  
  
My brave dark king once told me that our love would last forever.   
It was his promise that I intend to keep. Now, there are only memories,  
but I refuse to regret because that would be true betrayal. Instead, I  
keep his smile behind the darkness of my eyes when I close them, I shall  
keep the memory of our embrace wrapped around my body as I drift to sleep  
at nights, and most of all, I will forever remember our kisses and lock  
them into my heart.  
  
One day, perhaps we will not have to make the same choice that  
will force us apart. One day, perhaps we will meet again and choose   
instead to love again, like Serenity and Endymion choose to love. But for  
now, I choose by the light of Serenity; the light of the brilliant Moon.   
And I shall only remember the goodnights you whispered in my ear, and the  
goodbyes I whispered in return.  
  
For now... I choose the safety of blindness.  
  
  
The End  
  
blue@icedream.f2s.com  
  
Himoto = Princess of Mars = Sailor Senshi Mars = future Hino Rei  
*Himoto means the origin of fire  
  
Author's Note:  
Another week goes by and Chapter 8 is still going...  
Thus... yes... chapter 4 is hanging somewhere in space  
waiting to be deposited onto Planet X........ -.-;;  
*cough nervously* You might be wondering when I'm  
going to finish, but I will definitely have it out  
next week. Why the delay? Well, a few reasons.  
One, if I change anything in the plot -- even a  
teeny bit -- I will need to edit. Two, I was a baka   
and scrunched a lot of important scenes into 8 instead  
of 7 as I had originally planned --;;. Three, Chapter  
10 is huge! I'd rather not drag it forever so I'm   
trying to give myself more time to complete it ^^;;  
Also I had added some new ideas --;; it's not  
fun to have to cram so much into 8, but 9 is planned  
and 10 has already began , so Chapter 8 is sort of   
lagging, but I did start to write it and it's  
looking good so far... the plan is anyway ^^;;  
So, please be patient with this little otaku and  
allow her some time to drag the plot out of her   
little otaku brain, 'kay? *bat those bambi-teary eyes  
pleadingly @ the readers* PLEASE! ;-;  
Anyho, I hope ya enjoyed the commercial *points to  
her fic* It's a little sort interrupter, ne? I  
dragged it out of my attic where I conveniently left  
it and totally forgot about it... till I did some  
spring cleaning ^^v Yeah, yeah! I know, it's not  
my best work, and it is sort of an excuse for a  
filler until I post Chapter 4 next week, and I  
PROMISE I will ^^;; So umm...be patient? *gets  
bombarded by rotten tomatoes* Can I take that as  
a Yes? Especially since exams... i.e. AP exams ^^;;  
I have 4 REALLY hard ones and I would like to pass  
'em. Plus my math test and my soon to be physics  
final... ;-; I'm going to die in school!!!!!  
  
blue *sobbing* "Nobody understands the difficulties  
that I'm facing!" ;-;  
Rei*exasperated* "Oh get over it!" *thumps blue  
over the head*  
blue & Usagi *blue sobs harder while rubbing her head,  
the odangle princess joins in the sobbing in  
sympathy* "Rei-chan don't like us anymore!!"  
Haruka o.O; *twitch* [ "Somebody shut those two up!   
I want to be able to hear at the end of today!"  
Minako & Makoto *plugging their ears* "What's with  
those two today?"  
Ami *wearing her earmuffs* WHAT DID YOU SAY?! ^^v  
Michiru & Hotaru "We got the duck-tape!" ^^v *holds  
out the sticky grey tape roller*  
blue & Usagi o.O;; *both stop sobbing and start to back  
away slowly in fear*  
blue "Guys, take it easy! I'm not putting you through  
torture for no reason! It's for the entertainment  
of the readers!"  
Usagi *not really sure what's going on* "Yeah--! Wait  
a minute! What do you mean by torture?"  
blue ^^;; "Ha..Ha..... Me and my big mouth!" --;;  
Setsuna ^^v "Let's get her guys!"  
blue *running for her life* "This is NOT what I meant  
by readers' entertainment!!!!!"  
Haruka *brandishing her whip that she got from that bulging   
space pocket of hers...* "Hoocha baby! Call me the   
Queen!" ^^v  
Usagi --;; "Haruka! What do you mean by call YOU the   
Queen?"  
Haruka o.O;; "Urr... I mean... the... urrr... blue!!!  
Come back here so I can whip your little a--"  
Luna --;; "This is getting highly out of hand! I am  
ending this right now!"  
blue *shouting from a distance* "DOMO ARIGATO LUNA-SAN!"  
Artemis "AWW Luna! Do we have ta? This is just getting  
interesting! Think of all the possible fanservice  
we can get out of this..." *whistles* "Look at   
Minako-chan's skirt fly--"  
Luna ( "BAKA!" *whacks the hentai white cat*  
Hotaru "Go Haruka-papa! GO!" ^^v  
Michiru "I love you Haruka! My wonderful hero!"  
blue "Where's my Jadeite-chan when I need him!"  
Rei ( "What do you mean YOUR Jadeite-chan?" *joins in  
the chase for blue* "He's mine!"  
blue "I thought this type of thing was only suppose to   
happen to Chaos-chan!" *sobs as she runs away*   
"It's all Chaos-chan's fault! Wait until I stick   
Ambiguously Yaoi Bishie-san on him! WAHHHHH!!  
Haruka-senpai and Rei-chan hates me!" *Haruka   
manages to whack blue with the tip of her whip*   
"Stage OWWY!!"  
Some circus youma passing by o.O;; "Stage owwy? That's   
not in the script... blue-san! You're not following   
the script here!"  
blue "...." --;; "Someone remind me to fry that li'l  
youma in my next fanfic."  
Setsuna --;; "This from a girl who can't figure out the  
difference between Cheery and Cherry..."  
blue ^^;; "Hey! I was in a cheery mood when I wrote that!  
All Cherry, ne?"  
Setsuna --;; "I think this is the worst pun I've ever heard!"  
blue ^-~ "Na ni yo, Setsuna-senpai?" 0=)  
  
  
You get the idea! --;; Don't ask, just go back to your sane  
little world and forget this ever happened --;; This was only  
a moment of weakness... forget this ever happened... Sleepy!  
That's right! You're getting VERY sleepy!.............  
  
  
Dedicated to the everlasting love between kawaii little  
Chaos-chan and his knight in shining armors, Ambiguously   
Yaoi Bishie-san! p And Angus-chan who shares in my  
obsession with Rei *drool* but he might not agree on my  
choice of obsession with kawaii li'l Jadeite-chan   
*cling, drool* He's just too kawaii to be single!  
  
  
Jadeite o.O;; "How did I ever get myself into this?"  
blue ^^v "By having such a cute bum!"  
(Chaos "Not as cute as mine!" ^-^v  
blue -.-;;)  
Jadeite ^^;; "Well, now if you put it that way..."  
Rei [ *thumps Jadeite over the head* "What did I  
tell you about NOT flirting with the author  
Jadeite?"  
Jadeite --;; "Oh that one..." ;-; "Aww Rei-chan! Do  
I have ta follow it? Blue-chan's just so kawaii.  
Can we keep her?" *scratch blue behind the ear*  
blue ^-^ *PURR, clings to Jadeite* "MY pet!"  
Rei *punts blue across the earth* "Keep your hands off  
of my Dark King!"  
blue *pout* "Some people just don't know how to share!"  
^^v "Ah well... Oh Kunzite-chan!!!"  
Minako o.O;; "Oh no you don't!"  
  
(I know, I'm sad about it too! I thought the senshi was  
suppose to believe in the "sharing is caring" motto, but  
they sure don't follow it when it comes to those cute   
kings... NO FAIR! ;-; *pout*)  
  
A production of Chaos-chan's corruption... well the ending  
part anyway ^^v  
  
  
Just A Little Extra:  
This fanfic originated from an idea to look at this whole  
love and meant to be and the whole eternal loneliness  
from a whole different perspective. I guess, I'll have  
to thank Cavis-chan for this when we started discussing  
about Usagi-chan stealing ALL the spotlight. But that  
started me on thinking about looking at this through  
a whole different view point and seeing if I could make  
it work ^^v So I took a very old fanfic and stuck a  
very new ending to it that was different from what I   
had originally intended to write about (that seems to  
happen a LOT these days --;; ) Anyho, I'd like to thank  
Cavis-chan for inspiring this second idea, whether or  
not he did it knowingly ^^v And apologize to him now  
for going off ICQ so quickly *nervous cough* LONG story  
^^;; Anyho, for those who just itches to write flames,   
BEWARE! I do not take well to stupid comments like   
"Venus suck!" (which I did receive once for no particular   
reason except maybe the reader was stupid enough to   
associate me writing about Venus and mixing it with her   
own dislike of the character to finally conclude that   
writing to me a one line comment that explained nothing,  
but did happen to irritate me to no ends, could solve her  
demented problem! And her grammar was horrid even in  
that one line [ *takes a deep breaths from her rantings*)   
Therefore, unlike the politeness that I did bestow upon her,  
being that she was the first person to ever grace my email   
with an idiotic flame, and for the stupidest reason too!  
I would not be so nice if another village idiot decides to  
write just as stupid a comment as that. p  
Remember, INTELLIGENT criticism is GOOD. IDIOTIC flaming  
is BAD. If you disagree with my fic, feel free to explain  
your pov, I like to think through different view points.  
But give me a stupid, one-liner comment about ANY of the  
senshi sucking -- and I don't mean that in the verb tense  
^-~ -- without a legitmate reason that is more acceptable  
than "Just because" YOU shall suffer a PAINFUL future...  
How do I know? Because I have Michiru's mirror and my  
Rei-chan cards said so =) I'll also make sure it does,  
so... =D  
  
End of Author's LONG Note ^-^v  
  
  
  
blue@icedream.f2s.com 


End file.
